Owning the Redhead!!!

            As I told you, as a kid I spent most of my energy being a mirror for what I thought people would accept me for.   It means that I analyzed every situation, afraid to let a really dynamic personality show through.  The only part of me that I felt was acceptable was my brain.  So, of course, I excelled at school.  I rarely ever laughed out loud because I didn’t know what was acceptable to laugh at.  Many times I never expressed an opinion outside my intimate circle because I didn’t know if anyone else might share it.  Making friends was a real chore because I felt I had to be a chameleon  ALL the time. I even passed up many opportunities to do something that I thought was interesting because I didn’t think it was acceptable.  I was so busy trying to fit in that I completely forgot who I was made to be.

When the redhead did come out it was usually when I felt like my back was against the wall, then it exploded with flashes of temper and stubbornness. (And both were legendary let me tell you) I was often bossy and dictatorial to my younger sister.  And then I was reprimanded for being myself.  Since I was never asked my opinion, when I tried to make myself heard, it was usually by what my parents termed as sass or mouthing off. (Plenty of that too.) Yes, I was a highly negative personality back then.  But wouldn’t you be too if you always felt like you were playing a part?

When I was in my senior year of high school, I decided that I would join the Navy in order to fulfill my dream of becoming a linguist and started the enlistment process. When I signed my enlistment contract I was only 17 and my parents had to give their consent for me to join.  By the time I graduated high school, I had a departure date for boot camp and guaranteed orders to the Defense Language Institute immediately following.  I left for boot camp just six weeks after my 18^th birthday.

Holy cow you talk about scared to death.  The day I left for boot camp was the very first day I encountered the strength of the redhead in me.  She saved my life I think, because without her, I never would have made it through.   In the midst of my quaking fear over what I had done, she bubbled up all excited and happy about finally getting to have a real adventure that no one else I knew had ever had.  It was definitely exciting,  This was my very first grown up decision and I was really proud of it, in spite of my fear.  And the adventure of that first day did not disappoint. 

I was up and out of the house before God that morning to catch a bus to the processing center in Baltimore.  I kissed my parents good-bye.  They both cried, which made me cry too but I got on that bus anyway.  As I mounted the few steps of the bus and found a seat I realized that my life would never be the same and for good or bad I could never go back.  The next thing on my agenda was my official swearing in.  As I lifted my hand to pledge my oath, I felt power surge through me and suddenly, the veil lifted, the redhead took control and I was my complete self.  What a feeling!!  I had done it!  I had defied everything that was expected of me or wished for me and followed my own heart.

I’m sure you can relate.  What instances in your life have you had when you felt that way?

The rest of the day was a blur of final paperwork and a lot of waiting.  Finally, very late in the evening, I was on plane to Orlando, Florida.  I’d never been on a plane before.  I fully expected to be terrified since I have a mortal fear of heights.  But the redhead surprised me again.  I loved flying, especially the moment when the wheels left the ground and we were airborne.  To this day, I still get a thrill at that moment. 

Arriving at the Recruit Training Center was very stressful.  It was late at night and me and the 40- 50 other girls who arrived with me were all tired and emotions were stretched thin.  We couldn’t just go to bed.  They herded us around for the longest time in great long lines to this area and that.  People shouting orders, picking up supplies, sorting out sleeping arrangements, etc.  This wasn’t the comfortable environment of home for any of us.  As we finally settled in our beds and the lights went out, fear set in for many of us (me included).  You could hear sniffling and quite crying throughout the large, open barracks compartment.  Even though I was afraid, my soul kept whispering, “It’s all part of the adventure. You can do this.”