A Great Big Hissy Fit

Ok, Redheads, have you ever been in a situation where all you want to do is throw yourself on the ground and pitch a great big hissy fit until your needs get met?

Be honest now, how often have you really done it?  How did it work for you?

I'm in that situation right now.  No, it's not over a guy. It's actually a professional relationship that's giving me problems at the moment.  I'm hurt plain and simple. When I expressed how I felt.  I didn't feel heard. In fact, I was made to feel guilty about it.  That just made me mad.

My energy is drained and I keep trying to shift it to the positive but it keeps slipping back.  So let's process this. Let's talk about what is generating this energy in my life.

First, I was taught in coach training that there are 7 levels of energy that a person can experience. In a nut shell, it goes like this:

Levels 1 and 2 are the lowest and most unproductive.  Level 1 is victim energy and level 2 is conflict.  Level 1 is where people see themselves as the victims of their circumstances and that someone or something else is to blame.  Level 2 is pretty self-explanatory.  This is aggressive, combativeness.  There's always some kind of argument and there is constant resistance.

This is where I find myself at the moment.  I'm not liking it one bit either. After all, I'm a coach and I'm supposed to be above all this right?  So where is this coming from?  First, I was honest with someone about how I felt because they told me it was their job to handle things like that.  Later when they didn't follow through, I was hurt. Here's a truth about me... in the past, Level 2 was my go-to response when I get hurt.  It's been kind of my watch dog.  After all, you're not going to approach a barking dog are you?  Level 2 is a rare occurrence these days, but it should never be ignored because it's an indicator of a past experience resurfacing.

So here I am, wanting nothing more than to have a big hissy fit and make this person see my side and meet my needs.  How's that working for me?

It's not.

So now what?  Well, I can choose to slip into level 1 and play the victim.... Or I can work to shift my energy to the next level.  Level 3 is accepting responsibility.  The primary emotion is forgiveness that fosters cooperation.  Ok, so what am I responsible for in this?  I did take responsibility for expressing my needs to begin with.  (That's always been hard, so I consider that a win) I did accept responsibility for expressing my later disappointment and hurt.  I am accepting responsibility by wanting a different result than in the past.  That means, I need to accept responsibility for forgiveness.  I can't change this person.  They are responding according to their own experiences.

My average energy level is a 4. This is where one is able to put aside emotions like anger, judgement, guilt and resentment. This allows a person to forget what was done "to" them and concentrate on the obstacle the other person may be facing and help find a compassionate solution to help them.  I admit that in this situation, I am not on this level yet.  (ugh!! personal growth seems to be a constant relearning experience. Wouldn't it be nice to learn it once and move on?)

My goal in this situation would be a level 5 where you accept that this is just how things are. It's not good or bad, it is just the natural state of how things are.  This is where you look for the win-win.  (I'll keep working on this.)

To round out the discussion, the last two energy level are self-transcendence.  My coach training says that this is where you actually transcend your ego.  At level 6 you achieve synthesis. There is profound joy even in moments of sorrow and wisdom springs from strong intuition.  Level 7 is absolute passion for all of life's experiences.  This is your true self.  It is where we live in creativity and where we manifest our dreams. (No hissy fits ever needed here.)



** I want to give credit to Bruce D. Schneider, author of Energy Leadership, where he explains the energy levels in much more detail.