Thoughts Become Things

Hi Redheads!!!

Y'know, Mike Dooley is famous for his quote, "Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!" Great thought, huh? But what does it mean? How do we go about choosing the good ones? 

What a Big Heart!

Today I was privileged to witness something truly amazing...

Question of the Day...

My friend, Stephanie (and fellow coach) asked this question on Facebook today ...

What would make 2013 the best year ever?



(You all already know my answer.... That bright red Harley Davidson, Softail Deluxe!!!!)

One of Life's Little Smiles

Yesterday, I attended the Thanksgiving dinner at the Job Corps where I mentor a very special young woman one evening each week.  It was a great evening.  The volunteer manager and her husband baked a turkey, ham and made mac-n-cheese from scratch. All the volunteers brought something too.  It felt like being home.

I don't know if you know anything about the Job Corps, but in case you don't... It's a federally funded program for young people 18-26 years where they can finish their GED and learn a trade.  It was intended to help give young folks a leg up out of the circumstances they currently find themselves.  All the students are their by choice not a judge's mandate.  They live on the center and attend classes in a trade of their choice. (Different centers across the country offer different programs.)  They learn at their own pace and are also required to attend scholastic classes until they achieve a high school equivalency.

Anyway, I'm lucky (blessed) enough to be the mentor to Angelica.  She is 24 and pursuing her big dream to be a pastry chef. Now, the program she is currently in is the basic course and will certify her as a general kitchen staff member.  However, it is the very first step in her big dream.  I love to listen to her talk about how she is progressing and I love encouraging her to tell me what she envisions for her future.  Angelica, is bright and ambitious.  She has a smile that can light up a room and a heart as big as Texas. I'm really proud to call her my friend. I became a mentor to be of service but I swear, I am inspired by this young woman's courage and determination and I learn as much from her as I hope I'm offering in return.  She is truly the bright spot in my week.

A Great Big Hissy Fit

Ok, Redheads, have you ever been in a situation where all you want to do is throw yourself on the ground and pitch a great big hissy fit until your needs get met?

A Message from the Universe

Live as if...

Vulnerability = strength

Vulnerability is your greatest strength.

Agree or disagree?

SALE!!! SALE!!! SALE!!!

Hey everyone!! I'm decided to offer a discount on my current prices.  Yes, that's right!! From today until Nov 30 I'm offering $40 for a hour session and $20 for 30 minutes. Yes, you can book as many sessions as you wish during this time.  There is even the option of pre-booking 12 sessions at the reduced price.

It's a great way to see if coaching would work for you.  Or to just have someone listen and support you in what ever it is you need help with.

I don't publish my number on line so please email me at miracles_within@yahoo.com.

PS. I do most of my coaching over the phone so distance is not a problem AND I take credit cards.  Please feel free to use the secure PayPal link below. The drop down menu contains all pricing options

NOVEMBER COACHING DISCOUNT

1 HOUR SESSION $40.00 USD 1/2 HOUR SESSION $20.00 USD 12 SESSIONS (1HR) $495.00 USD

Continuing to Celebrate!!

Update on yesterday's post...

Energy is continuing to shift exponentially!!! It seems that anger and stubbornness is a good thing when I can focus it in the right direction.  Here are the things that happened.

Celebrating the Redhead

Morning Redheads!!

Ugh, I’ve been so preoccupied with all the stuff going on that I’m forgetting to focus on the good stuff....

Takin' a lickin' but still tickin'

Redheads, good grief it’s been a day!!  Today was another day of fighting dragons.  It’s the first of the month so of course, that means rent is due.   This money dragon is such a bitch! 

Did You Really Just Say That to Me???

Redheads, I'm telling ya that somedays other peoples negativity can be a real challenge.

God Doesn't Have Time to Create a Nobody

"God doesn't have time to create a nobody... only a somebody." - Mary Kay Ash

This is my favorite quote.  It was something I heard many years ago and it has been my anthem ever since.  (Although I have to admit that sometimes I forget and take on a nobody personality)

What does this statement mean to you?

It means two things for me. But what I think may be different from what you think so please feel free to chime in.

First, it means that God took the time to make me.  I am a unique master piece of gifts, talents and even flaws that God crafted with his own hands.  There is no one else in the whole universe like me!!!!  How cool is that?

Then, if you believe the adage that we are also created in His image, I am not a mortal human body, but a divine soul with the power to create miracles in my own life.  Ok, so I may not be able to wiggle my nose and make things appear and I'll grant you that I have to create these miracles through  A LOT of hard work on my part.  But still, I can achieve anything I can dream up.

If God spent all that effort to create me, what am I supposed to do with all this power?  Do I hide it and try to fit in or do I use it to create?  What if people don't like me because they feel I act like I'm better than them?  What if they criticize me for going against the norm?  And what if I try to be the somebody God created and I fail, will God be disappointed in me?

Well, my answer to that question is that I was put here to use all those gifts and talents to the best of my ability.  My talents are meant to be used to give my life meaning and to bring me and those I come in contact with joy. I have flaws so that I can grow and learn.  (By the way, many things I have considered to be or been told are flaws are actually part of my strength and beauty.)

How are you showing up as a somebody at this moment?

Like I said though, I've had days when I forget that.  Like when I show someone I like or respect who I am and they reject me.  I get stuck in that loop of what did I do wrong and what do I need to change to be the person they want?  That's when I start thinking I'm a nobody.  This is where I start thinking with my ego and not my heart.  I get off track because I have let these people determine my worth when I should just let them go and move forward.  Does this ever happen to you?  What do you do about it?

Balance in Relationships

I know you read my posts about achieving your big dream and I know that as awesome and amazing as they are; they are really daunting.  Ok lets be real here… they are just flat out scary so you’re thinking coaching may not be for you.   Ok, I can buy that, but perhaps there are smaller more manageable areas in your life that might need a little tweaking.  For example, maybe there is a personal or professional relationship that you want to improve.  

There could be a coworker or boss who causes you stress at work.

Do you wish a loved one supported you more?

Maybe you are dealing with the emotional roller coaster of your teenager. 

You may not realize it, but when one area of your life is out of balance, it affects the other areas of your life as well.  Let’s take a moment to look at each one and pinpoint some of the things that may be showing up in you life. 

The boss or coworker scenario may show up in all manner of ways. Just a couple of examples might be that you take your frustration out in the car. You may drive too fast or cuss other drivers out under your breath (or out loud). It could be showing up as fatigue.  When you get home you are simply too tired to do anything but flop down in your favorite chair and veg thus creating a situation where you may not feel like taking part in family activities. 

What about getting more support from a loved one?  This can be a real downer when you really want to accomplish something and you keep hearing how impossible it is or what things you lack to make it happen or worse, your excitement is met with indifference.  Maybe your going through something at the moment and you just wish the loved one would just show up to hug you. 

Teenagers are one of the most difficult relationships.  Yesterday you had sweet, loving children and suddenly you find yourself faced with Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.  They test the boundaries of everything you say.  They seem hostile, moody and closed off from you emotionally.  Yesterday, you were a super hero and your kids looked up to you but today you feel like the stupidest person on the planet. 

What would it feel like to have peace in these areas?  How would that peace affect your overall energy level? 

Drop me an e-mail at miracles_within@yahoo.com if you are interested in exploring that question.  We can set up a phone appointment for a free consultation.

Swingin' on a Star

Yesterday was the day I rediscovered what sheer joy was.  You see, I had the day off.  It was a gorgeous day and so decided to go to the park to work on some stuff to build my business.  I sat at a picnic table; under a huge, ancient maple tree with a view of the play ground.  It was the middle of the day and I was the only person there.  The peace was exquisite but I kept getting distracted by the swings.  Finally, I gave in and casually ambled over checking to see if anyone was watching.  Feeling a little foolish, I sat down and pushed the swing into motion.   The swing arced higher and higher. My heart got lighter and lighter.  Time stood still and I was 6 years old again.  The belief that I could fly felt so real.  Suddenly I heard a child laughing.  It was that beautiful tinkling laughter that just comes out of them like soda bubbles.    I looked around to see where the sound was coming from.  I was still the only one there.  Then I realized that laughter was coming out of me!!

What a shift from one week ago!!

...And Some Days You're BBQ

Hi Redheads!!

It's been a few weeks since I've written. Truth is, I didn't think I had anything to write about since nothing good was happening.  Well, if I'm going to write about life as decided redhead, then I need to write about the days that aren't going so well too.  We've all had them. Some of us are going through them right now.

For me at the moment, it's money.  I guess, I should tell you how I got in the place I am.  Please know that this is not a petition for sympathy.  In fact, I hate admitting that I'm week, need help or that I simply don't have my shit together on any given day.  I guess, I hate admitting that I'm fallible and human.  Truth is currently, I don't feel like much of a Redhead.  I'm not feeling very brave or courageous.  What I feel like is a tiny little girl whose been sent out to slay the biggest and meanest dragon that ever existed, armed with a butter knife.

It's been a looooong year for me.  Intuition told me many years ago that I would be a life coach.  I just didn't know how I would do it and in the mean time, spent a lot of time in jobs I hated.  Well, last spring, the path to my vocation opened up when I was up to my eye balls in the worst job I had ever had.  One day a new girl in the office and I were chatting about the stuff one talks about when making a new friend. She mentioned that she was studying to be a life coach.  Well my ears perked up and suddenly I only had one question.  Could I have the name of the school she was attending?  I contacted them that very night.  And within a week, had the enrollment process started.  As I'm getting all this stuff done to start my big dream, my boss comes to me a few weeks after that and tells me that my job is being moved to corporate headquarters and in 10 weeks I'll be out of a job.  This was not the plan.  I was going to stick the job out for two more years as I finished training and built my practice.  But y'know, my initial reaction was not the shock and fear that I expected.  Instead this incredible peace washed over me.  I knew I'd be ok.  God had this.

Ok so here I am a year later and the practice is still not where I want it.  The money is pretty much gone.  NOW WHAT!!!

I have to say that things with my practice are starting to move forward.  I'm getting affirmations everyday, however, I'm frustrated  - no, that's not a big enough word... I'm mad as hell - that things aren't moving faster.  I'm feeling the pressure to give up and go back to the safety of horrible jobs.  The thing is that I really believe in my big dream.  I see how my path has progressed over the last year to set the stage for it.  Even my relationship with Sean played a very pivotal roll in establishing networking opportunities for me.  And recently when I had to ask for help, he was the one who showed up to give it.

I'm at this cross road.  On one side there is a big sign that says, "COMFORT ZONE...THIS WAY." and the other sign says, "BIG DREAM !!!"  The road to my comfort zone ironically enough is lined with flowers and rainbows, however I know that what awaits me there is tedium and feeling like I have nothing to contribute.  On the other, hand I look down the road toward my big dream and I see the dragon.  But I know that once I get past this, I'm going to find everything my life could possibly be.

The fight or flight instinct is so strong at the moment, it's all I can think about.  Fear is pulling me back to the familiar routine of my comfort zone.  It continually reminds me what I've given up and what I could still lose.  But to have that life back, how much of my soul will I lose?  The dragon, could kill me.  I'm so ill equipped to deal with it.

This thought overwhelmed me to the point on Thursday that I literally could only think of running!!  And run I did!!  I couldn't even talk to anyone without the urge to burst into tears.  I actually had to leave work.  The only thing I could think of was to get to church.... Folks, if you knew me, you'd know that as close as I am to God, I don't have a church home and up to this point have been happy without one.  Anyway, the only thought was that the Catholic church was open and I could go there.  I showed up at the church office nothin' less than a hot mess asking to see the priest.  I had to wait almost an hour for him.  I sat in the office with tears silently streaming down my face as I waited because I needed to ask for expert help and guidance.  (Yeah, how humbling for my stubborn pride was that?)

As I said before... Some days you're BBQ.  And that was me.  So here I stand, with my red hair all singed and covered in soot, but I'm still standing.  I guess the fact that I'm still standing is a victory in itself.

How to Slay a Dragon

I loved this article!!

Forbes article: Intelligence Is Overrated- What You Really Need To Succeed


Isn't it nice to be able take one obstacle out of your head?  You don't have be Einstein to be a success.  And although mental intelligence is something you are born with it is NOT the only tool in your toolbox and that the other three forms of intellegence EQ, MQ, and BQ are all things within your control.

Y'know, what the article doesn't tell you is that this equates to a lot of personal power.  Have you thought about what you could do if you harness it?

As the article said, emotional and moral intelligence are very closely related.  In fact, you will use the two in concert to point where you can't tell the difference between them.  Let's look at how specifically improving emotional and moral intelligences can benefit you.

It is absolutely possible to chose the emotions you want to have in a situation.  I'm not talking about denial or repressing your feelings.  All emotions need to be expressed.  However, sometimes, how we express something may not be appropriate or beneficial to the situation.  For example, my last blog is a perfect senario of what I'm talking about.

When I got the news that they were rejecting my proposal I was livid.  My dream was in jeopardy.

What would your initial reaction have been in this situation?  

 I was angry that someone couldn't see how important it was to me.  I was confused that someone couldn't see the value my idea could create for the company.  And if I'm really honest, I was just plan hurt.  There were lots of things I wanted say to release all those feelings, however, in this case what would anger have gotten me.  Truth??? It would have nailed the coffin shut on my dream.  On the other hand what would I have gained by giving up?  I'd have killed my own dream.  In this case, I had the choice of expressing the anger in an uncontrolled explosion (Mind you, I will admit that losing my redheaded temper would have felt really good) or channeling all that redheaded power into a laser focus to create the driving force for me to find a workable solution to fight for my dream.

Which option would you chose?  


How would you want to go about it?


For me, the solution was to stop and think about where the other person was coming from.  First thing to realize is that each person has their own internal dialog and set of life experiences.  The big question repeating in my head was why didn't they ask any questions to clarify what I intended in the proposal before shooting it down.  One possible answer is that they were afraid to appear ignorant in front me.  This is where moral intelligence came in for me because now I could empathize with them and forgive them for their response.  After all, they are very intelligent, successful business people and my idea is really new and radical.  They didn't have any experience with exactly what a life coach was, nor could they see how I could benefit them.  They simply needed more facts but were afraid to ask.  If I had gone in their with guns blazing, I would have alienated the people I was trying to impress and lost credibility with them.

 My solution was to acknowledge that I was taking them out of their comfort zone and they simply needed more information to feel safe and in control of their own destiny.  I chose to channel my anger to push myself into action, over come my own fear,  and take the initiative to create the opportunity to give them those answers and stand up for my dream.  Result - They have agreed to continue considering my proposal and hopefully set up a meeting to answer questions.

The use of strong emotional and moral intelligence can create solutions and a win-win for both parties.


How could you tweak your solution to create a situation where both parties gain something? 


Did you know that a large part of what I do as a coach is to show you how to harness and focus the emotional and moral intelligences you already have?

Inspired Action (update)

So here's what's happened.  I went to the open house at the dealership afterwork on Saturday.  I wasn't there 10 minutes when the manager of the Business Development Department came up to me with a smile and shook my hand.  He says, "Your proposal showed up on my desk with a note from the owner saying, 'read this and let's talk about it.'" Then he took me over to the owner and introduced me....

That's it so far.  They were scheduled to talk about it at their weekly meeting and that was yesterday.  No word yet... still hanging on to faith.

But other cool things happened as a result of showing up on Saturday.  I wound up getting invited to a biker party that night.  I met lots of cool people and had a great time while I was there.  I made some contacts that are considering hiring me and scored an invitation to dinner tonight with someone I'm extremely curious about.

I'd say things are beginning to manifest very nicely.

Inspired Action

Well, I heard about my interview.... I didn't get the job.

No way!! No pity parties here. I've been majorly busy!!  Part of the reason I had for wanting a job in the Business Development Department was because I had an idea that I had hoped to reveal when I had proven myself.  Well, I decided that idea was good enough to submit anyway.  So I asked the salesman, ___, I've been talking to for his opinion on the idea.  He was pretty impressed and suggested that I take it to the owner.... Seriously? Straight to the owner? Holy hell, talk about jumping into the deep end!

But ___ really believed the idea was good. I've been talking to him now for several weeks and we are getting to be friends.  He wasn't blowing smoke.  So I decided to go for it.  I went straight home and wrote the proposal.  I have never written a proposal in my life and didn't even know where to begin.  Funny thing though, when I sat down to the computer, the words just flowed out of my fingertips.  This is what I'm talking about when I say "Inspired Action."  In fact, everything about this idea was inspired.  It came to me in one of those lighting bolts of inspiration as I was sitting on "my" bike one day.

I talked to ___ this past Friday.  On Monday, I printed out my proposal and got dressed (I wore my red cowboy boots and for confidence). Then I went to see ___, because he promised to give me some input on it.  "Breathe, Tam" I was afraid my knees would buckle under me as I stepped out of the car.  But I didn't let it stop me. I tossed my hair back; straightened my shoulders and strode across the parking lot like I had already won.  However, once I crossed the threshold, confidence almost failed me so, I made a bee line for my bike.  I threw my leg over the saddle and sat there imagining what it felt like to own that beast and how it would feel to be in control of that kind of power.

Ok, now I was ready.  I walked up behind ___ as he sat at his desk. He didn't sense me there right away, so I said, "You're future ex-wife is behind you." (Inside joke.) He turned around and gave me a great smile.  I presented him with the cookie bribe I had brought and sat down at his desk.  I handed him the folder with my proposal and he read it.  "Breathe, Tam, breathe." The two or three minutes he took to read it felt like an hour.  Finally he looked up, took his glasses off and looked me in the eye and said, "Tammy, this proposal is an idea worthy of a job.  You've really given this some thought."

He wanted to keep it a couple of days to see if there were any suggestions he could make.  I went back to see him.  He didn't change a thing and the proposal was sent up to the owner's office before I left.

I'm still Snoopy dancin!!

I'll be at the dealership on Saturday for an open house and to do a little networking, so I'm hoping I'll have some news.

The Life of a Decided Redhead: Soooo...What Does a Life Coach Do Exactly?

The Life of a Decided Redhead: Soooo...What Does a Life Coach Do Exactly?: WOW!!!  Now that you have dusted off that big dream and have fallen in love with it again, I'll bet you're wondering how you will ev...

Soooo...What Does a Life Coach Do Exactly?

WOW!!!  Now that you have dusted off that big dream and have fallen in love with it again, I'll bet you're wondering how you will ever accomplish something that is soooo much bigger than yourself.  You've looked at it and seen all the wonderful things it will create in your life and you've also considered all the seemingly insurmountable obstacles to that dream.  And I'll bet those obstacles have pretty much stopped you in your tracks haven't they?

My redheaded friend, you have made a decision to live your life out loud so before you put your big dream back in its box to be reopened in "the future," consider what a life coach can do for you....

Miracles Within Mission Statement

Every client will discover the unique and powerful “somebody” they were created to be. 

What makes coaching worth the investment?

We all have dreams and goals we want to accomplish. I want to know what yours are.  What is holding you back from getting them done?  How serious are you about tackling them? Are you willing to put in the hard work to achieve them?

Life coaching is an investment in YOU. This could be the single most important thing you ever do for yourself.  In coaching, you will not only move through the steps of accomplishing your goal, but you will learn a process that will allow you create sustainable results on this goal and duplicate the results with amazing success in any future goals.   As you go through the process, you will also see improvements in other areas of your life, such as your intimate and business relationships; or just your overall enjoyment of life.

Together, we will move you through obstacles that are currently holding you back.  This comes in the form of external blocks such as (but not limited to) money, time or skills. It also comes from internal blocks based on your mental and emotional perception of the elements in your goal.  For example, you may not have pursued a goal because it could make you wildly rich and you may feel that making money might make you seem greedy.

Coaching goes at your pace and comfort level. We focus on YOUR agenda and how you want to achieve each step.  We will set up a plan to achieve your goals and the actions you want to take to move forward.

Furthermore, you will have a safe, confidential space to be your authentic self where someone will support you whole-heartedly without judgment. I will be there when you’re stressed or to cheer for you at each success along the way. Oh yeah, a big part of that support is to hold you accountable for the things you say you will do from week to week.  If you don’t get your tasks done, we will be exploring what stopped you.

What coaching is NOT

Coaching is not therapy.  There is no denying that the past always effects the present, however, our goal in a coaching relationship is to acknowledge the past but not get caught up in the negativity of it. We want to figure out how to make new decisions in the present that propel you into the future.

Coaching is not consulting. Typically a consultant shows up with a solution to a problem and tells you to implement the steps they created for you.  This only works temporarily.  Often times someone who hires a consultant, will follow the steps for a while but will eventually return to their old way of doing things because the proposed solution is difficult to implement and working through the bugs seems more complicated than the way things have always been done.  The goal of coaching is to provide sustainable results that can be duplicated in the future.

Coaching is not mentoring either. A mentor tells you how things worked for them in the past. Often times, this doesn’t work, simply because the mentor’s solution may not fit your specific set of circumstances.  As we discussed earlier, no one knows your needs better than you, so you probably already have wonderful ideas on how to solve your own problems. You just need some one trained in drawing them out.

Who is my Ideal Client?

-Anyone who knows they are worth more than their present circumstances dictate.

- Anyone with an unfulfilled dream

- Some one who has decided to find solutions instead of making excuses.

Also very interested in working with:

- Individuals working hard in an alcohol/addiction recovery program.

- Adult children of alcoholics/addicts

-  Survivors of abuse

Inquiring minds want to know...What's your big dream?

So tell me, what's the big dream in your life that you want to manifest?

How long has it been sitting on a shelf in your heart gathering dust?

Are you ready to do something about it, but don't know exactly how you will accomplish it or perhaps you feel the obstacles are just too great?

Well, today I would like you to take that dream off the shelf for awhile.

Seriously, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.  Now imagine being in the treasure room of your heart where you keep all your favorite things.  Look around. What do you see?

Now where did you put that big dream?  Oh, there it is.  Do you see that beautifully crafted box on the shelf across the room?  Yes, you know the one I mean.  Walk over to it and pick it up.  Hold it in your hands and carefully dust it off.  Do you remember when you created this?  Before you open the box, tell me about what's inside.

That is an amazing dream!! Now, set the box back down and take out your big dream.  How do you feel when you hold it in your hands? Do you still get that thrill as when you first created it?

Now try it on.  Imagine that failure is impossible and you have achieved your dream.  How does it feel?  Does it still fit?  Does it still make you happy?

I would really love to hear about your big dream.  Please feel free to post a comment here or email me privately at miracles_within@yahoo.com.

If you believe your dream is still possible, check out this link for the very first step in manifesting all the miracles you have within yourself.

"Thoughts Become Things" Mike Dooley

One Step Closer

In my last blog I told you about setting the intention to FINALLY get my Harley.  To make this happen, I started very seriously using The Law of Attraction.

Do you know about this?  It's the coolest thing in the world!  I was first introduced to it several years ago when I heard about the movie "The Secret."  It takes a little faith in something greater than yourself, intuition and some BELIEVE.

In a nut shell, the law of attraction is a concept that says YOU can create your destiny just the way you imagine it.  Ask The Divine, Believe that you will have it, and then receive.  Note part of the receiving includes inspired ideas that you will need to take action on.  We'll talk more about this in later blogs but for today, I want to tell you how this is working for me.

Anyway, about a month ago I met a woman at the restaurant I work at part-time. She had on a Harley shirt and I asked what she drove.  She told me (but I can't remember for life of me what it was), however she said she also worked there.  And out of the blue said they were hiring in the accounting department.  Funny thing is that most of my work experience is in that area, and I hate it.  However, to work for Harley and have a chance to fulfill a dream, I'd consider it.  So I sent my resume in.  They contacted me immediately for references which I sent back.

I never heard back from them.  To tell you the truth, I didn't follow up either because I really didn't want to go back into bookkeeping.  I figured, I'd leave it up to God to decide for me.  If he wanted me to have the job, He would provide.

I've been meditating on how I will manifest my bike, then last week, I was in the showroom looking at my bike and the woman who originally processed my resume came downstairs from the offices and by chance I was introduced to her.  Come to find out she had never received my references....or had overlooked my e-mail.  But there was another position open in the Business Development Dept.  I resent my resume and references and scored and interview!!!

I had the interview today.  It went really well!!!  This is more than just a job and a discount on my gear and classes.  There is opportunity here that will meet several goals.  At the very minimum, I will be among positive people who know what it feels like to achieve a dream.

Trying on a Dream

Today, I did something I've been talking about for a very very long time.  I decided to try on an old dream for size.  I went to the Harley Davidson dealership and picked out my new motorcycle.

The salesman, Steve, at Old Glory Harley was wonderful.  He asked me what I wanted.  Hmmm that stopped me in my tracks for a moment. All I knew was that I've wanted a Harley since I bought Misty (the Yamaha).  My criteria was that it had to have the fat boy gas tank; low enough for me to reach the ground and it had to be RED!!!  (Of course, what other color is there, right?)  He walked me straight to the animal of my dreams.

 I stepped up to the beast, threw my leg over and settled into the saddle of a 1690cc Harley Softail Deluxe.  As my hands closed around the hand grips, I closed my eyes and a very familiar thrill fluttered in my stomach.  I remembered how much I loved that feeling.  I got it every time I released the clutch and opened the throttle.  Then the bike would roar into motion and my soul would take flight.  As I sat on that bike, it felt like I was on a long stretch of west Texas road with nothin' but blue sky and sunshine around me.

When I opened my eyes, what struck me the most was how confined I have allowed my life to become.  I've been living in limitations and lack.  I've forgotten what's possible.  Not after today!!!  I don't know when or how I will manifest this in my life but apparently, that dream still fits.  Time to do something about it.

Resolution

I solved the jealousy issue.

I said good-bye.

I went to see him at work yesterday to apologize.  He accepted and asked if we were still friends. What came out of my mouth was completely unexpected, even to me.  "Ummmm... We will be friends in the sense that you will be someone I think well of and will pray for, but we won't be talking to each other anymore."  I had not planned to say that.  In fact, I never expected to have him ask the question.

You should have seen the look on his face.  He was truly upset by this.  I wasn't angry as I gave him my reasons why.  I was worth more than this and I refuse to go back into the darkness.

Just as I'm walking out, his son came in.  I took the opportunity to say good-bye to him too.  I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and his sister and what a gift I thought they were.  I know I shocked the poor kid right down to his socks, but I couldn't not say good-bye and this would be my only opportunity. Then it was all I could do to walk out of the store calmly because my heart was about to break in two.  I love them with my whole heart.

Later, curiosity got the better of me and I asked Sean in a text why he looked so upset when I gave him the news.  He didn't have a straight answer for me but he admitted to being upset.  We talked for a long time on the phone and resolved a lot of things.  He wants to continue on the path he's on.  We eventually said good-bye one last time and hung up.  I asked him to delete me from his phone and I did the same.

Redheads, as I said in my first blog, life is about living out loud. This relationship did not work out the way I had hoped, but the thing is that I enjoyed it while it was in progress.  I took a chance.  I had some really good experiences and it didn't end on a bad note. Sean and I were really great friends before the romance and the other drama.  Who knows, we may rekindle that friendship someday.  No worries.  I have peace and am in a good place about this.

Next blog will be something better.

Pea Green with Envy

I hate being jealous!!!  This emotion is the very worst for me.  It is the ultimate in victim energy.  It feels like poison ivy popping out all over the place.  Worse, it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed.  

No enlightenment here at the moment that's for sure.  

The Redhead got the better of me and I told Sean exactly how I felt about the situation.  There was no high level energy speaking words of encouragement.  This was pure unadulterated redheaded emotion.  Yet the words I spoke weren't hateful.  I didn't call him any names.  I didn't curse the day I met him.  I didn't beg him to love me back. I was upset and yelling when I said this but, I told him exactly how I felt about his actions and how he was treating me.  I told him about the good man I see behind what's really going on and I told him I was still glad for the experience.  I also told him that when he was ready to stop wallowing around in the dark and choose the light, to show up at my door.


No, can't say I'm really sorry for my actions.  Just don't like jealousy to be the trigger of my emotions.



 

Miracles Within

Today my post is not about me but something I witnessed this week.

That whisper to forgive became a command about a week ago when Sean called and asked me to have dinner  with him and his kids because he wanted to talk some things over.  He was up front about what he wanted to say but I still went with quaking knees and rolling stomach.

I was greeted at the door by his daughter.  Now she and her brother are very special treasures to me and I have missed them a lot since that awful day because I was used to seeing them once or twice a week and I really enjoyed spending time with them.  The smile on my young friend's face was as big as mine and I knew she had missed me too. ( Can't tell you how my heart smiled!)

Dinner with them was wonderful!!! The four of us quickly fell back into our routine.  We talked and laughed and by the end of the meal I found myself in the middle of a towel fight.  I lost...

Things really started to shift when Sean and I sat down privately to talk.  He told me the whole sordid story.  He didn't beg my forgiveness. His opening line was that he didn't want any more lies between us and he humbly laid the truth at my feet and let me decide what I would do with it.  I was shocked and hurt, but tried not show it.  But honestly, I wasn't as hurt or angry as I thought I'd be.   The thing is that I wasn't able to focus on myself, because what I saw was a man who was genuinely trying to show up as someone better than he thought he was. Here was a man who craved change.  He had been in the dark for sooooo many years and this small conversation was his first tentative step back into the light.  The courage it took was no less admirable than a soldier on the battlefield.  I couldn't help being proud of him.

The things he did right that night were that he wanted truth and I was the first person he wanted to make peace with.  He had a desire to confess to everyone he had hurt and face the consequences.

Since that day, I have seen him show great courage in trying to atone for the hurt he has caused others.  He  could have continued with the lie to save his own skin since no one would have known the truth, but he didn't.  He risked everything and lost much but he still wants change.

No, he is not my boyfriend and he never will be.  But the next morning, intuition flashed for me.  I need to teach him the things I know about intuition, the law of attraction and energy shifting, not to mention a few other things.  This was not easy for me to obey since the wounds are still pretty fresh and in essence I'd be planting seeds that I would never see the harvest on.  It would require a much higher level of energy than I wanted to give.  It would require forgiveness I didn't want to grant.  But I chose to obey anyway.

Since that day, I've had multiple affirmations that I'm on the right path, but last night was miraculous.  I took the movie "The Secret" to his house.  I had arranged with him to have his kids watch with us but I didn't tell anyone what the movie was about.  Everyone kind of moaned and groaned until we were about 5 minutes into it.  Suddenly Sean started taking notes in a notebook I gave him.  And his daughter was entranced.  Sean's son kind of sighed and groaned for the entire 90 minutes but surprised me when we opened up discussion afterwards with some very interesting insights even though they were in the form of jokes.  He had been paying attention.  His 14 year old daughter got it and Sean was already planning on how he could implement "The Secret." They have all had a pretty rough go at it for a very long time and it seems that it was the key they all needed.  They all seemed hopeful now.

At one point we were discussing situations that we had encountered which at the time seemed horrible, but looking back on had turned out to be just what we needed.  Sean's daughter was talking about moving into their current home.  She spoke of how she had hated leaving friends and school and being afraid of the unknown. Then she started listing all the good things that had happened to her after the move and the last thing she said was, "and I got to meet Miss Tammy."  My heart spilled over with happiness and I almost cried.  Her brother even gave me a gift of his affection -  as much of one as a cool teenage boy can.  He wanted to share a really funny video with me.   My gift was that I have earned the affection of children.  An honor I will carry with me forever.

After the kids went to bed, Sean and I talked for a very long time.  What I discovered was that even though things didn't turn out the way I hoped, we have a really solid friendship. We talked openly and honestly about so many things.

I know I'm being asked to put aside low energy emotions to help create real change in someone's life (and sometimes the hurt really takes over).  However, I see how The Divine is working in this situation. Sean has all the hallmarks of a redhead and his stubborn streak is as legendary as mine so it's not going to be easy for my friend and I'm afraid it will get worse before it gets better, but I know that in the end, something really good will come out of it.
Yes, I know.  This situation will only last for a short time.  Then I will need to say good-bye.  (For some reason when Sean and I talked about this, he looked seriously sad... imagination on my part?)  but for now, I need to do as intuition directs me.  I can't explain it but today all I could feel was gratitude.  I felt like God was on my side and something amazing was about to happen.

Energy Shifts Are Like Hurricanes

Ugh! I can breathe again!!! It's such a wonderful feeling.  The past couple of months have been suffocating.  I've been in a chapter of my adventure where I've been slaying dragons.  Money, love, money and building my practice.  Not to mention a few other things.

According to fairy tales, the slaying dragons part of the adventure is supposed to be romantic and glorious. BULL!! It's a lot of worry and hard work.   It's spending more days in the dark than in the light and praying like there is no tomorrow. (Somedays we actually think there may be no tomorrow)

All that shifted today!!

First, I was awakened at 4:45 this morning.  I heard intuition as plain as day tell me something important about Sean.  Unfortunately, I didn't write it down, but it gave me great peace that is still with me.  But that's just the tip of the ice berg and compared to the rest of the day, pretty irrelevant.

Later, when I actually got out of bed I decided it would be really nice to sit in my favorite park; under my favorite tree and enjoy the sunshine. So I got up, got dressed and decided to spend my last $5 on breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and head out.  I got to the park and found my spot.  It was cold enough for a coat, however there was no wind and the sun was warm on my face.  It was heavenly!

Now this particular park is my sanctuary.  I've walked hundreds of miles on the trail. I've celebrated good days there and cried a lot of tears too.  This park is in the middle of the city, yet I've counted as many as 2 dozen deer in the picnic area on a summer evening.  These same deer have walked to within 6 feet of me on many occasions.  Today, I wrote in my journal and spent some quiet time with The Divine.  I love the sense of peace I get when I'm there.  As I finished my prayer, I looked up to find a hawk circling directly over my head. He was flying so low, I could almost see his eyes.  This was of particular importance because I always take hawk as a good omen.  To me, it means that my prayers have been heard and God is with me.

Next thing that happened was that I was nearly home when another hawk flew out in front of my car.  I burst into tears at that moment.  These were happy tears though.  I heard my intuition say, "You are now standing in the light."  And there was the moment of my energy shift. The day just kept getting better.

When I got home, I checked my mail to find a check that I was waiting on. It wasn't due for 2 more weeks but it arrived early. Now, I can get caught up on all my bills. YAY!!! That was the big thing. Taking away my worry over money was like blowing up a dam and good things just kept pouring out.

I talked to 4 people today about life coaching.  Two made appointments to meet with me.  Got my homework done for college.   I went out to dinner and met a group of ladies who get together once a week to talk and crochet.  I love to crochet so I made 5 new friends.  Everything was just so synchronistic.  I just felt like I was in the flow all day and moving forward.  Sure beats feeling like I was sinking in quicksand.  I can say, it's been a fantastic day!

Little Moments that Make My Day!!

I have a part-time job in a restaurant and I love talking to the people that come in.  The other day, I was waiting on a man who was in his late 50's or so and I offered him something sweet to round out his meal.  He said, "No thanks. I've already got something sweet. I brought my wife with me."  

I smiled the rest of the day.  It was even sweeter because his wife had gone off to the restroom and did not hear what he said.  This man, wasn't just saying stuff to flatter his wife when she was there to hear it.  He really felt it.  

Turns out they've been married 37 years.  

What little things make you smile?

Checkin' In With You

I do all the talking hear.  Let's hear from you.

I'm reading a great book by Joyce Myer call the "The Battlefield of the Mind."  It's all about the kind of thinking that can keep you from succeeding at the adventure you have set out on and how to combat it.

What keeps you positive in the face of adversity?


(In the comments section there is a drop down menu that gives you a bunch of choices, just scroll down and click the one that says "name/URL" and type your name for me so I can respond.)

A Whisper to Forgive

 As you know, I'm a life coach and as such have sometimes fallen into the stereo type of this zen like person who is always up beat, positive, patient and never gets angry. People often comment on my positive outlook.  But what I want you to take away from this blog is that I am human.  And having the personality of a redhead and am feircely led by emotions makes me even more human and fallible.

I mentioned in my blog titled "God Truly Loves a Redhead" that I'm being called to work on my stubbornness and pride.  These, in truth, are the armor I wear to protect myself from being hurt.  Lately God has been calling me to lay down this armor.  He has been doing it with lessons in submission and obedience (the direct opposite to stubbornness and pride).  The last 2 weeks have been the hardest of all...but we all know it sometimes takes a ball bat to get my attention.

I don't talk about my spiritual beliefs because I consider my relationship with God to be very personal.  But if you will allow me, I'd like to tell you about what's been going on with me lately and what I'm learning.

We're back to the Sean issue.

 Two weeks ago I banished him from my life.  I was hurt and angry.  I couldn't believe that someone could kiss me to where my soul caught fire and the very next day find out I'm not the only one.  My account makes him sound like a big horse's ass. (Yes, I called him that to his face).  But there are things that really make me believe that this is from The Divine.  My intuition led me to the truth.  I had fleeting thoughts before I reached his house like, "Wouldn't it be like a bad comedy to find a strange car in the drive." Then later that day when I sent the text telling him that he wasn't welcome in my life was really strange.  The fact is that I was trying to delete the message and call him directly when I hit a key and the message was sent.  But once it was gone, I reasoned that it may not be how I wanted to tell him but it got the job done.

In the past, when something similar happened I would wallow around begging God to tell me why he was punishing me like this.  What had I done wrong? Why wasn't I good enough?... etc.  This would go on for months.  This time my prayers were different. I expressed to God my hurt and confusion at the turn of events.  But I was also overwhelmed with gratitude for the experience.  I had given from a willing heart.  I had followed my intuition. I had been my most authentic self for the very first time in my life. I was really proud of that and I wanted my actions to be remembered as a gift, not a bribe for him to love me in return.

Let's be clear.  These prayers did not mean that the hurt stopped or I was less angry right away.  But I was choosing to respond differently and prayed and prayed to be released from the negative and only be allowed to keep the positive.  Eventually the positive won and the tears stopped.  I have to say that I did really well to be only 10 into this.  It usually takes a lot longer.

There are things in this that I cannot answer.  But I understand that when I follow faith (no matter how little I have) and intuition, I don't always know or need to know those answers.  I am certain however that this was one of my lessons in obedience. God asked for the one dream that I hold most sacred.  He asked me to turn it over to him without hesitation.  I'm not happy about it but I'm choosing to trust even though it's hard.

Next lesson in obedience is forgive him.  I've gotten this message 3 times.  When I forgive it must also be a of my own free will and must be an act of love and not just obedience. Not easy when I wear my pride so well.  My pride keeps shouting, "He hurt me and must pay!"  My intuitions whispers, " Forgive anyway." I will choose to forgive.  I choose to remember the caring person I knew and how it felt to care for him.  Sean must also be allowed the freedom to choose what he feels is right for himself.  If that isn't me then so be it.

No I don't know what the future holds in this situation. All I can see is today.  But I can tell you that this situation has brought other strengths forward. I'm focusing on other tasks I need to get done. And facing this has brought courage to face other scarey things in my life and handle them.  But I'll tell you more about them in my next blog.

It's Good to be the Redhead

Do you know what my secret passion is?

 I love riding motorcycles.  I don’t ride on the back, I have to be the one driving. 

My first time on a bike was shortly after I finished boot camp and got to my language school in Monterey, California.  Now I want to tell you that the Navy was a very cool place for a girl to be back then.  The male to female ratio was 8 guys to every girl.  No joke!! I had just spent 8 weeks in an environment that many pay big money to attend to get in shape.  I was hot! (At least in my own mind) And I was literally surrounded by men. 

There are a few people that still stand out as special in my memory from back then and one of them was my friend Bumpus.  (Just a nickname someone gave him at some point in his life that stuck) I thought the world of him.  He was about 6’ 3” and built like a line backer and hailed from Texas.  He was a natural redhead with a personality to match.  Oh, he used to tell the best stories and made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe.  He was unique from his choice of the language he would master at school to his choice of music. Anyway, he was the perfect friend for a redhead in training.

One evening, we were hanging out and were kind of bored so he asked if I wanted to go for a motorcycle ride.  I’d never been on one and at first, I thought about refusing.  But the redhead spoke before I could and I found myself accepting a new adventure.  So I rushed to my room to get ready.  It was January or February but winters are very mild in Monterey so a ride wasn’t going to be dangerous, but it would still be cold with the wind whipping around us as we rode so I put on boots, jeans and a sweater and grabbed my big winter coat and headed back to meet my friend.   As I walked down the hall of the dorm-like barracks I passed the quarter deck and the Officer of the Day (another friend of mine) asked where I was going so I told him.  “Not in that coat your not,” he said.

My eyes flashed rebellion and asked him why not.  It was cold out and this was the warmest thing I had. I knew this man rode the biggest Harley on the base and he was a Navy Seal to boot so I was asking myself why was he trying to spoil my adventure?  His look softened and he explained. “Tammy, if you get in an accident that quilted coat will be nothing more than tissue paper on asphalt and you could be seriously hurt.” That got my attention.  I hadn’t thought of that logic. “Wait right here,” he said and disappeared into the room where the Officer of the Day slept and came back a minute later with his own leather, biker coat.

Ok at that moment I was totally hot all decked out like a real biker. 

Bump joined me about that time and we left.  Outside, he gave me pointers on how to be a passenger so that I wouldn’t counter balance him and throw us both off the bike.  He threw his leg over the bike and settled into the saddle and I awkwardly (but trying to be cool) climbed on behind him.  He pressed the button on the ignition and the animal roared to life between my legs.  I was hooked at that very moment. 

The whole ride was exhilarating.  I was sure that this is what birds felt like when they flew.  We finally stopped for a while on Asilomar Beach and I got to enjoy seeing the ocean for the second time in my life. 

We went for regular rides after that and it wasn’t very long before I bought my first bike.  A 200cc Honda.  It was the ugliest shade of green you ever laid eyes on and sounded just like a lawn mower which by the way could go faster than my bike. Top speed with the throttle opened full out was 75 mph. Bumpus dubbed it the Lawn Boy and proudly taught me to ride.  But I’ll tell you what. I thought I was oh so cool. That bike was my pride and joy at least for a while because It wasn’t too long before I got the itch for a real bike and bought a brand new 700cc 1986 Yamaha Virago. (Yes that's her in the picture.)

Some time later, Bump and I were talking and out of the blue he says, “Tammy, the man that finally tames you is going to be really lucky.”  That was the nicest compliment I had ever had up to that point.  He saw me as wild and untamed.  To him I was adventurous and fun.  He had no idea who I was just  a year before. 

The Five People You Spend the Most Time With

I was once told, "You become like the five people you spend the most time with."  Think about that for a moment...

Who are your top five?
How does being with them make you feel?  Empowered? or Drained?
What do you talk about?
Have they accomplished or are currently working on their dreams?
How do they treat others outside your group? Do they back stab and gossip or do they try to uplift others?
What is their personal code of ethics?
Do they whine and moan about all the bad things in their lives or do they roll up their sleeves and start making changes?

My next question is...
How do YOU act when you are among them?
Do you let your own unique light shine or do you tune your energy to theirs in order to fit in?

Redheads, we have huge energy potential. It comes with our dynamic personalities. It can be positive or negative. You must choose which one it will be.  Now, you all know part of my story. I was born to be a redhead, but you also know that I had to work to own it.  Here is a secret. Did you know that anyone can decide to be a redhead. Let me say that again...

ANYONE CAN DECIDE TO BE A REDHEAD!!!

Yes, it's true.  It's all in the energy you put out.  And the first step is to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. The ones who lift you up and encourage your dreams.  The ones who do instead of talk.  These people come from a place of love not just for you but for people in general.  They are not saints but they get up everyday and try to do their best and try to find the blessing or lesson in the worst of circumstances.

When you spend time with people you begin to synchronize to their energy and they to yours.  That energy can either propel you forward or hold you like quicksand.  Which would you prefer?  If you find that you need to start changing the energy of your group then start with the intention to meet new people.  Talk to people who come into your path.  Even if you only talk to them one time, notice how they made you feel.  Learn from it.  Emulate the ones with whom you felt good being around and avoid those that make you feel heavy, or drained.

One of my early examples was a friend of mine in Italy named Rosie.  She was a beautiful woman about my age with raven black hair and sky blue eyes. She always reminded me of Snow White. She and I spent a fair amount of time together and one day she asked me to go to the beach with her and her two daughters.  It was early in the season so even though the air was warm, the water was still pretty cold.  That didn't stop the two young girls.  They stripped down to their bathing suites and ran straight for the water without hesitating and jumped right in.  They called to Rosie and me to watch as they played like mermaids in the frigid water.  Jokingly, I called back. "You're crazy!!" Rosie yelled, "How brave you are!!"  I looked at the woman who sat beside me feeling ashamed.  I realized in that moment, that even though I was joking, the comment was basically still full of negativity.  Her comment lifted her children up and would encourage them not only in this instance but also in the next one that might be a little challenging.  I have never used that phrase since and it also made me start noticing how negativity crept into my life.

Never EVER Doubt Your Intuition

Redheads, my intuition saved me today.  I woke up this morning and my first thought was "go surprise Sean."  I was still smiling from a conversation we had yesterday, so my heart thought it would be a romantic adventure.  (NOTE: heart and intuition are not the same). I had my coffee and went to get dressed, happy and full of positive energy with my heart leading the way.

As I got closer to his house, my intuition started sending me whispered signs to be cautious, but it didn't tell me to turn back. By the time I arrived, I knew I was in for a dose of truth. Sure enough, there was a car parked in the driveway.  Now, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions, but I'm telling you, jealousy was popping out all over the place.  That was my heart speaking, but my intuition only said, "What are you going to do about it?"  I chose to drive back home to think instead of walking up to the front door and slapping his face.  No, violence never solves anything.  At home I simply sent him a text that said, "Came by your house at 11 to surprise you. Saw another car in the drive. I didn't stop."

I waited all day for a reply.  You know as well as I do that silence is as good as a lie.  My instincts didn't scream, but they wouldn't let the truth go either.  I finally sent him another text, "I'm done! You are no longer welcome in my life." That got an immediate response with apologies that stank of guilt.  I flat out asked him if I had anything to worry about and he said, "Yes." I thanked him for his honesty and told him good-bye.  He kept ringing my phone until I answered again.... Now all of a sudden he wants to talk.  Really???? What was there to talk about??? How bad he felt for lying? Who was that going to help? Certainly not me. I never gave him a chance to explain.  (And let me tell you, furious is not a big enough word to describe how I felt.) I told him that I didn't play doubles and I don't take second place.  His choices were his choices and he could have her, I was out.

Truth, how do I feel?  I'm hurt, no doubt, because I feel played.  But I'm so glad I learned the truth and had the strength to decide my own value instead of letting someone else make me feel like I was unworthy of them.  I'm also grateful that I can recognize and accept truth no matter how much it hurts.

No worries, this is going to hurt for awhile. That's normal.  But I certainly won't die from this.

BLOG EXTRA - God Truly Loves a Redhead

            Seriously, God loves his redheaded children.  There are so many good things about us such as strength, courage, adventurous hearts, passion and even the ability to fight for a good cause.  God also loves us because there is so much for us to learn too. With all the dynamic facets of our personalities there are areas that we struggle with as well.  And the struggle for us is never easy and I'm sure we try God's infinite patience on a regular basis.  Am I right?

           I can't speak for you, but for me personally, I am currently struggling with pride and stubbornness.  As I've told you before, both traits are legendary in me.  Well, evidently God has reached the end of his patience with me because here was the conviction I received this morning and let me tell you, a lightning strike would have been less painful.  (Yeah, I know, this won't be the last time lightning has to strike before I get this either.)

This is from one of my favorite spiritual speakers, Joyce Meyer.  Let me know how it resonates with you.

Humbling Yourself Under the Mighty Hand of God

Owning the Redhead!!!

            As I told you, as a kid I spent most of my energy being a mirror for what I thought people would accept me for.   It means that I analyzed every situation, afraid to let a really dynamic personality show through.  The only part of me that I felt was acceptable was my brain.  So, of course, I excelled at school.  I rarely ever laughed out loud because I didn’t know what was acceptable to laugh at.  Many times I never expressed an opinion outside my intimate circle because I didn’t know if anyone else might share it.  Making friends was a real chore because I felt I had to be a chameleon  ALL the time. I even passed up many opportunities to do something that I thought was interesting because I didn’t think it was acceptable.  I was so busy trying to fit in that I completely forgot who I was made to be.

When the redhead did come out it was usually when I felt like my back was against the wall, then it exploded with flashes of temper and stubbornness. (And both were legendary let me tell you) I was often bossy and dictatorial to my younger sister.  And then I was reprimanded for being myself.  Since I was never asked my opinion, when I tried to make myself heard, it was usually by what my parents termed as sass or mouthing off. (Plenty of that too.) Yes, I was a highly negative personality back then.  But wouldn’t you be too if you always felt like you were playing a part?

When I was in my senior year of high school, I decided that I would join the Navy in order to fulfill my dream of becoming a linguist and started the enlistment process. When I signed my enlistment contract I was only 17 and my parents had to give their consent for me to join.  By the time I graduated high school, I had a departure date for boot camp and guaranteed orders to the Defense Language Institute immediately following.  I left for boot camp just six weeks after my 18^th birthday.

Holy cow you talk about scared to death.  The day I left for boot camp was the very first day I encountered the strength of the redhead in me.  She saved my life I think, because without her, I never would have made it through.   In the midst of my quaking fear over what I had done, she bubbled up all excited and happy about finally getting to have a real adventure that no one else I knew had ever had.  It was definitely exciting,  This was my very first grown up decision and I was really proud of it, in spite of my fear.  And the adventure of that first day did not disappoint. 

I was up and out of the house before God that morning to catch a bus to the processing center in Baltimore.  I kissed my parents good-bye.  They both cried, which made me cry too but I got on that bus anyway.  As I mounted the few steps of the bus and found a seat I realized that my life would never be the same and for good or bad I could never go back.  The next thing on my agenda was my official swearing in.  As I lifted my hand to pledge my oath, I felt power surge through me and suddenly, the veil lifted, the redhead took control and I was my complete self.  What a feeling!!  I had done it!  I had defied everything that was expected of me or wished for me and followed my own heart.

I’m sure you can relate.  What instances in your life have you had when you felt that way?

The rest of the day was a blur of final paperwork and a lot of waiting.  Finally, very late in the evening, I was on plane to Orlando, Florida.  I’d never been on a plane before.  I fully expected to be terrified since I have a mortal fear of heights.  But the redhead surprised me again.  I loved flying, especially the moment when the wheels left the ground and we were airborne.  To this day, I still get a thrill at that moment. 

Arriving at the Recruit Training Center was very stressful.  It was late at night and me and the 40- 50 other girls who arrived with me were all tired and emotions were stretched thin.  We couldn’t just go to bed.  They herded us around for the longest time in great long lines to this area and that.  People shouting orders, picking up supplies, sorting out sleeping arrangements, etc.  This wasn’t the comfortable environment of home for any of us.  As we finally settled in our beds and the lights went out, fear set in for many of us (me included).  You could hear sniffling and quite crying throughout the large, open barracks compartment.  Even though I was afraid, my soul kept whispering, “It’s all part of the adventure. You can do this.”

From Dork to Redhead

This is me before I discovered the Redhead (age 11 or 12)

  


 Looking back at it now, I was everything my ancestors were and I inherited it directly from my parents.  My mother was indomitable.  For a tiny woman of 5 feet tall she is dynamite personified.  She is tenacious and absolutely not afraid of confrontation.  There was never a challenge that she didn’t meet head on.  She was also a pillar of strength.  Looking back, there were some pretty scary times for our family, but I never, ever heard my mom complain or lash out.  She just got up each day and did what was necessary and somehow got us through the storm.   My dad is a very gentle person… that is until you threaten his family; then all bets are off.  He lives by a personal code that is like a knight in shining armor.  He taught me temperance. As I said before, he worked two jobs my whole life to provide for us.  I used to watch him get ready for work in the morning.  He never complained but if you looked closely you could see in his demeanor that he hated his job. ( I always thought that he was worth more than the profession he chose.) He worked shifts and sometimes only got a few hours sleep between. He would get dressed in his work clothes except for his boots.  Then he would sit quietly and drink his coffee until the last possible moment.  His boots seemed like lead weights as he dragged them on.  Then he would shrug into his coat with a sigh; grab his lunch pail and kiss Mom three times before leaving.  I loved watching their good-byes. It was as if those kisses were the armor with which he would face his day.  How much strength and dedication did it take to work like that every week?

     Growing up I felt like I was always under a veil.  There was my real self that was intelligent, passionate, caring, affectionate, independent and harbored a secret adventurous side.  I was also, stubborn and opinionated with a definite mind of my own.  It was a lot of unfocused power.   

     Then there was the me that everyone else thought they saw.  I was the fat kid so I was teased a lot.  Only a few looked beyond the surface.  And every attempt to show my peers what was underneath seemed to be met with even more ridicule. So I decided that since so few really cared who I was, I would have to be what they expected if I wanted to fit in. I spent a lot of years being a mirror.  I was the good daughter; the excellent student and what ever else anyone needed me to be.   It left me feeling that the redhead in me was a fatal flaw not an asset.  I thought that the real me was not worth love.  I spent much of my childhood in books too afraid to venture from beneath my veil.  I had good friends, but generally they were the one who offered friendship first.

      I told you I had a secret adventurous streak.  As a teenager, I dreamed of visiting far away places. But never thought I’d get to do it.  I thought that I’d be a teacher, get married and have 3 kids.  However, my life started to change when I was a freshman in high school and took a French class.  The first day of class my teacher was telling us how much the starting salary for a linguist was.  In 1980 that was $65,000.  That was more money than my dad made!  It was in that moment that my whole future changed and I set my first goal.  It was the biggest goal I ever set.  I was going to be a linguist.  That was the day I unconsciously started understanding who “the redhead” was. 

     That decision took my life on an adventure that so far has been worthy of a redhead…

The Soul of a Redhead

     As I mentioned before, I was born with the soul of a redhead.  I am very proudly an Irish-Hillbilly.  My family can document  beginning settled in the hills of the Appalachian mountains since the Revolutionary War and before that we were Irish.  I’m sure you’re familiar with the Irish personality but add 235 years of Hillbilly and you’ve got a real firecracker on your hands.

     Actually, I was an adult before I appreciated what an amazing lineage I have.  My ancestors came to America back when the country was still 13 colonies and settled in the remotest area of what was then the colony of Virginia.  The terrain was unexplored and completely wild.  Farms were carved out of the forest with hand axes and horse drawn plows.  The people who settled there were resilient, strong and believed they could create their own destinies.  They worked hard and spoke their minds.  They organized the Whiskey Rebellion, lived along side of Native Americans, and had their own homes divided by the Civil War.

     My family is astounding.  For example, my paternal grandfather was born in 1899 and at the age of 10 he left school to go to work in the coalmines.  His first job was to lead ponies pulling carts full of coal out of the mine.  He spent his whole life in those deep, dark caverns.  He learned the responsibility of helping to support his family at a young age.  I don’t imagine there was much time for games and dreams in his life.   We are traditionally farmers, miners and a bootlegger or two along the way.  The women were as strong as the men too.  There are no shrinking violets or debutants in my family.  There is a picture of one of my great, great grandmothers sitting astride a horse (not side saddle) in a long skirt with a rifle in her hands.  She was the first woman sheriff in the state of Kentucky.  Mind you, this was back before women could even vote.

     My parents had great foresight.  They appreciated their history but wanted more.  They were married shortly after graduating high school in the 1960's and left the Appalachians for better opportunities.  Their life was not glamorous or easy by today's standards.  My mother was a homemaker and chased two rambunctious little girls around all day as well as keeping her house spotlessly clean.  My father worked two jobs my whole life to support us.  I grew up witnessing their strength everyday.  They worked hard to make sure my sister and I had the room to dream.  With a lineage like that, is it any wonder that I’m a redhead?  I am proud to say that I have become the perfect combination of them both.  Like my mother, I am forthright and vocal when I need to be, but my father’s gentle spirit has taught me how to use my redheadedness like a secret super power.   

     However, I wasn’t always the quintessential redhead though, when I was growing up. I was a complete dork…trust me.  But I’ll tell you about that in my next blog…

I've Met My Match!

     One of my favorite movies of all time is The Quiet Man staring John Wayne and my very favorite redhead Maureen O'Hara.  Now Maureen O'Hara is the ultimate redhead, in my opinion. She is strong, opinionated, smart, proud and definitely passionate.  Oh yeah and with a stubborn streak a mile wide.  That's me all over!!

     Have you seen this movie? If not, I highly recommend it!! Anyway, John Wayne plays Sean Thornton an American boxing champion who retires from the ring after an accident and returns to his mother's homeland of Ireland.  In the movie, he and Maureen hit it off like a match to dynamite.  And it's love at first sight and after a tumultuous courtship they are are married and trust me, it doesn't get any less stormy.  There is a scene in the movie where she is trying to bring him down a peg and decides to leave him to prove a point and so heads off to catch the train before he wakes up one morning.  Sean Thornton finds out in the nick of time and gallops to town on his black steed to catch her before the train leaves.  Mad as hell, he jumps from his horse, snatches his woman by the arm, and proceeds to drag her on foot the "whole, long way" back to their farm. (Needless to say the five mile march home makes for some great comedy along the way.)  Long story short, after that she is as meek as a kitten, because she knows she has met her match. He understands her and because of that he is the only man who won't let her pull any crap.

     Guess what. I may have met mine.  Not in a romantic way but this man has definitely made an impression.  You see, this past Monday, I was in a major fight with God.  And I was not winning.  I had been praying for help, and God sent it, but I wasn't pleased with how He showed up.  He sent my friend, (my very own Sean Thornton) who offered exactly the help I had prayed for,  but this is the last person I wanted to see me vulnerable.  Truth be told, I hate letting anyone see me vulnerable, but having "Sean" witness it was, in my mind, the worst thing ever.  I was embarrassed to appear incapable or frail in front of him so as a defense mechanism, my pride got up and that stubborn streak showed its self.  And in true Maureen O'Hara fashion, I was spoiling for a fight and I was determined to win.  But y'know, he didn't let me pull any crap. "Sean" has this way was saying my name that stops me in my tracks and the sound of it just won't let me shut him out.  It's not angry, nor does he even raise his voice. It's not sexual either, but there is power in that one word.  It's like kryptonite.  It just takes all the fight out of me. Then my friend wrapped me in a big, warm hug and we talked.  I have to say that Sean didn't get his way because I still couldn't bring myself to accept his offer, but I can still say he won because I made progress by allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of him and our conversation yielded some really good ideas.

     Later, when I hugged him good-bye I was left standing in the middle of the living room in complete amazement.  "OMG! I realized in that moment that I could be completely myself in front of him!  He can handle "The Redhead!"  Looks like God was right after all.  He sent exactly the right person to help me, redheaded stubborn streak and all.  =)

     It's been a few days now and I've had time to go over the events of that day.  Hmmm... What have I learned?  Well, first of all, that when God shows up, it should never be questioned no matter how much it hurts my pride.  Sean, was acting with honor and respect for our friendship by offering to help.  I love to find ways to be of service to those I care about so why should that be any different for him?    He has no idea that even though I was stubborn and refused his help, I appreciate the fact that he showed up to make the offer in the first place.  Second, that it's okay to ask for and accept help. I don't have to be "Miss Independent" all the time.  I can't possibly have all the answers or skills to accomplish a task.  All in all, it was an excruciatingly humbling experience but I'm grateful for it and I like knowing that I have a friend in my life who won't let me pull any crap.